Big Girl Update

two nights ago, our little girl became a woman.

oh wait, that's not what i meant.

two nights ago, our little baby became a big little girl: her first night sleeping in her crib in her own room. she woke up a couple times to be soothed and/or fed, but all in all a great first effort.

i sent her this video message to congratulate her:

VIEW VIDEO

but wait, it gets better. last night was her second night in the nursery. and what did she do? i put her to bed at 9:45, and she woke up at 8:00 this morning. 10+ friggin hours. unbelievable. we had to go in every so often just to assure ourselves that she was breathing.

Can You Feel Sorry for a Child Who's Not Even Born Yet?

i'm all for freedom of religion. for example, while it might make me a little uncomfortable, i've never tried to stop ian from worshipping me as his One True God.

now that my religious tolerance has been established, let me just go on to say that tom cruise is a complete and total ass monkey. oh, and also that scientology is for ass monkeys, by ass monkeys. read this article about the upcoming birth of their child if you think i'm being harsh:


TOM Cruise’s pregnant fiancée Katie Holmes will be reminded to keep her vow of silence during birth — by signs plastered around their home.

The couple — following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth — had the posters delivered to their Beverly Hills mansion. The 6ft placards will be placed so Katie can see them in labour.

One reads: “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable.”

Dawson’s Creek actress Katie, 26, must “keep mum” and will not even be allowed painkillers when she has the couple’s first child due any day. (NOTE FROM BEN: LIKE HOW THAT READS? "WILL NOT BE ALLOWED." POOR, POOR GIRL. TOM CRUISE, YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE.)

Friends — believed to be Scientology elders — were pictured carrying the huge white boards through the gates. The “birthing boards” will also tell staff and visitors to stay silent.

Followers believe it is traumatic for babies to hear their mother scream or groan when giving birth. They think it can cause “psychic” damage, which takes years of therapy to overcome.

The cult’s creator, sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, once said: “Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child.”

The doctrine stresses newborns cannot be poked or prodded for medical tests or spoken to for seven days. (NOTE FROM BEN: OK, THIS PART JUST MAKES ME WANT TO CRY.)

Beeee-Yooooo-Tiful

2 of the Funniest Things Ever

so i got back from miami monday night. who ever thought of opening an office on south beach? genius. two words for you: boobies.

got to see mr. and mrs. rowe. congratulations on everything c & k. seriously. i can't wait for chris to call me in a panic the first time he has to change a diaper.

got to see richard, who kept trying to distract me from drinking and looking at chicks with things like "work" and "conversation" and "male companionship." jeez.

spent some good time with dylan and stacy. stacy: you're cool. dylan: very funny with the whole bathroom thing. shit head.

didn't get to see a certain institutional ratings account executive from a certain jupiter, florida organization, because she had certain "educational obligations" that are so "important" because she wants to have a "future" and "succeed." gimme a break ;-)

anyway. on to the two funniest things ever:

there are two videos that i'm going to post on this here blog ... but they don't exist yet.

funniest thing ever #1: the look on Hannah's face when she wakes up from a nap. in particular, from her evening nap on the couch downstairs. i can't wait to get this on film.

funniest thing ever #2: today i put Hannah on Cali's back and tried to get her to ride around like on a horse (of course i wasn't actually putting any weight on Cali ... chillax). Cali would keep trying to run away, and i'd chase her with Hannah. the whole time, Hannah was CRACKING UP. that'll be a good video.

stay tuned -- just in case i ever get around to filming these.