Compare and Contrast

the Brits caught the four guys who tried a second round of london transit bombings.

so, let me get this straight ...

Terrorism strikes the U.S.

Response: Ferry the Bin Laden family out of the country, bomb the shit out of afghanistan, invade iraq, drag out "search" for Osama indefinitely.

Terrorism strikes Great Britain

Response: Arrest the guys who did it -- in days.

but hell, we Americans got to watch precision strikes on Fox News, and we got to see sadaam in his skivvies. i guess that's good enough for most of us.

The Cutest Thing

isn't this adorable? i was just going through the pictures on my computer and found this one from earlier this year. i look forward to showing this to Carter when he's older ... and point out that he was once only as tall as a pug.

Fucking Dresser

we're pretty cool, kim and i.

to save money -- and so we could "stain to match the rest of the furniture in the nusery" -- we bought an unfinished dresser/changing table a couple weeks ago. turns out the wood's so crappy that the stain did nothing to improve it, so we decided to paint. we got this white spray-on latex stuff from home depot and gave it several coats out in the backyard. looked like ass.

on top of that, leaving it outside during our heat wave caused the cabinet door to warp, and now one of the drawers is sticky.

so anyway, i took it inside and ended up giving it two coats of regular old white semi-gloss with a regular old brush. in the end (did i mention all the patching and caulking i did, too?) it actually looks pretty good.

i wanted to post a picture of the thing, but blogger is giving me an error. so, too bad for you.

Carson Clemons, You're Awesome

all newborn babies should be lucky enough to have their feet enthusiastically licked by a curious pug.

carson clemens was so honored yesterday evening when his parents brought him to the Schott house for a meet-and-greet.

it was great to see him. it was also pretty awesome to see how well james and heather are adjusting to parenthood. it's amazing how confident and relaxed they are in dealing with him ... it gives me hope that some parental instinct will kick in as soon as hannah's born and we'll all of a sudden know exactly what to do.

at any rate, we really enjoyed the visit. heather is already back to being cute and tiny ... james seems like a real grown-up ... and carson is one cool kid.

i wish i had thought to take a picture of them while they were here so that i could post it. JAMES, HEATHER: SEND ME A PICTURE!

Incredible Guilt

that's what i feel. after so much of my own hounding of a certain person (whose blog sucks) about how long we have to wait between posts ... here i am having made no additions to this fine blog in about a week.

my apologies to the readers.

so, what's going on?

i was out of town on monday and tuesday, so i missed the first day of our childbirth classes. i pictured the teacher and all the other students frowning disapprovingly as kimmy introduced herself and made excuses for her absentee husband. aside from that, i was also just plain bummed to miss it. starting next week it's the perfect attendance award for me, though.

what else is going on?

i got MVP Baseball 2005 for playstation. it's without question the best baseball video game made to date, as evidenced by the fact that i was able to pitch a one-hitter with brett tomko (the ass-monkey), and hit two home runs in a single game with omar vizquel. in all other respects, i assure you, it's pretty damned realistic.

in other news, we're still working on the nursery ... turning the closet into an extension of the room where we can keep the changing table and dresser. kimmy's washing all the baby clothes that we've inherited (other people's babies are dirty, you know), even though she's about a month away from her severe-nesting-instinct-phase that will drive her to wash them all over again.

that's about it. my apologies for the hiatus, and i guess for the lameness of this entry as well.

Wine Reco #3

2003 Cline Vineyards Zinfandel

i'm pretty sure that only one or two of my regular readers even care about my wine recommendations. nevertheless, i press on ... and some day when my blog is famous, i'll get offers to become a professional wine critic. well, yeah, probably not.

anyway, i'm really excited about my latest find. first, you must understand two things about me: 1) i enjoy wine, and 2) i'm a jew. therefore, when i get my hands on a cheap bottle of wine that is this good, it makes my day.

according to andrea immer's "2005 Wine Guide," this is in the top 5 budget zinfandels in the world. i think i paid 8 bucks or so for it. immer says, "it is rare that you get 'wow' for this price, but it is here." and i difinitely agree. i like zinfandels, and have had some good ones, and i'd say this one is the best ... even when compared with bottles that have cost me more than three times as much.

one thing that i'm sure keeps the price down is that you don't have the napa/sonoma valley price inflation with this one. these guys are actually somewhere in contra costa county -- mike, you should go check them out.

my grade: A-

ian, you're not the only one who can hand out grades. heh heh, and i don't even have to read the moronic papers ... i just have to drink!

Hannah Update

we went to our regular pre-natal doctor's visit this afternoon. dr. drexler felt up my wife and gave us a baby update.

apparently, she's already adjusted herself so that her head is pointing down. according to the doctor, she weighs between 4 and 5 pounds. wow. that kinda brings things home. hopefully -- for kimmy's sake -- hannah will slow down a bit so that she's not too big by sep. 26th.

according to our daily pregnancy journal, her eyes are open and she's practicing blinking. blinking is cool.

i've been reading her shel silverstein poems to hannah before bed ... i think she likes them, but too bad she can't see the pictures yet.

Know When to Fold 'Em

so, work today was ultra-hectic and actually pretty stressful. usually no matter how much work there is i'm able to keep a pretty clear head and not get too stressed out ... but late in the day i just had to get out of the house to relax.

i decided to check out the River Rock Casino, which i've never been to despite the fact that it's 10 minutes from our house. figured i'd relax for a while with some video poker and slots, and maybe spend some time at pai gow poker.

usually with pai gow, you can spend hours at the table without winning or losing too much. more often than not, you're going to push with the dealer ... and this can make your money last a really long time.

let's just say it didn't work that way today. minimum bet on this table was $25 (which doesn't scare me away with this game), and i played a total of 3 hands, got complete crap cards in each, and blew through $100 in less than five minutes. i've never seen that happen before at pai gow ... and of course it happened to me on the day when i'd hoped to use the game to unwind for a while.

in a rare moment of clarity, i was able to walk right by the ATM and out to my car after this. the way i normally am in casinos ... it could have been a lot more painful.

Justice Is Served

this is the "extra long double-dong." picture the same thing, but black, and that's what i was spanked mercilessly with on the stage at the "men's club" during my bachelor party. it hurt worse than you'd think, and it was painful to sit down for about a week afterwards. i think i was as close to crying up on that stage as i've been in a long time.

it was a low point in my life, and paid for by my so-called "friends," against whom -- i must mention -- i have yet to exact my revenge.

anyway, i bring this up because i saw a great article today about a guy who had a similar experience, but decided to do something about it. he called the cops. the three strippers were arrested for assault and battery. the club has promised to stop this barbaric practice.

check out the article here

one thing that does make me feel a little bit better is that this guy's "friends" only paid $25 bucks for his on-stage humiliation. at least my friends (ahem, mike) got taken for a bit more.

Wine Reco #2

2002 Chateau St. Jean Pinot Noir

this is the second wine recommendation of my young blog. you can find the previous one (2003 Ledson Sauvignon Blanc) in the archives.

i'm a pinot noir guy ... and was even before "sideways" ... like a whole week before i saw it, i swear. mike's the one who turned me on to it, and my introduction was great, too (Papapietro Perry 2002).

i won't even try to explain the flavors. i always read what it says on the label, and i never taste what they say i will. on this one, it said something about sandalwood, nutmeg, and bacon notes up front -- followed by red plums, cranberry, and cola notes. whatever.

it's just good. very smooth ... and if you swish it around in your mouth you can appreciate the different flavors that different areas of your mouth pick up. but bacon isn't one of them as far as i can tell.

i know the only one of you who might actually go out and try this is mike. that's ok mikey, i write this damn blog just for you anyway. should anyone else surprise me and try this -- or any of my recommendations -- i'd love to hear what you think. just post it to the comments.

My Best to Londoners

Yep 


it's not the time for cynical political statements, so i'll just post a cynical political image.

"It's Like Riding a Bike ..."

poor baby. georgie can't seem to get the hang of this whole bike riding thing. he biffed once before, on his texas cowboy ranch, and now he's done it again in europe.

Read the Article

what a dipshit. and he's the one with the Nuke-U-Ler launch codes.

(hi mr. ashcroft)

in other news, we went to our second hospital tour this evening to help us decide where to have hannah's birthday. this time we went to memorial hospital in santa rosa. jesse and deanna had a good experience there, and so did my friend steve and his wife ... but this tour didn't impress us in the least.

maybe it was because the tour was led by a young nursing assistant -- and it was her first time giving the tour. in any case, she was thoroughly un-reassuring about the birthing experience, and really gave us a bad feeling. since people in this area have a choice between three major hospitals, you'd think the head of the department would want to put their best foot forward on these intros to expectant parents ... oh well.

one positive thing about the experience was that we arrived just in time to see the life-flight helicopter start up and take off from the roof right above our parking spot. i love anything that flies, and it was a treat to see the pilot work up close.

finally, i'm happy to report that it's the sixth inning and the giants haven't yet blown their lead.

Four Days Clean

i'm very proud of myself. it's been four days and i haven't touched any. was starting to worry that i had a drug problem.

and i'll tell you what, it feels great to be off the claritin.

as those of you local to sonoma county know, it's the worst place in the world for allergies. for that, we can thank luther burbank, for creating all sorts of new foliage that exists nowhere else in nature, and spreading it all around the neighborhood. ass monkey.

but i think the season has mercifully passed. kimmy, can you get me a kleenex?

America! Fuck Yeah!

happy independence day everyone! just a quick update. we went to mike's dad's house in rohnert park this afternoon for their annual 4th of july block party. great barbeque, nice folks, always good to see mike and denise.

the coolest part was that i guess rene and linda (mike's dad and stepmom) have a long-running feud with their next door neighbor. well, today one of the dogs that were at the party went over and took a big dump on the neighbor's lawn. before anyone even had a chance to go pick it up, the lady was out of her house and yelling at the tougerons. linda yelled back and it was great fun.

i was wondering how the lady got out of the house so fast ... it had only been about 3 seconds since the dog went into his squat. that's when one of the party-goers pointed out the cameras. get this: the lady has like four cameras in and on her house pointing out toward the neighborhood. she spends her days watching the feeds from these cameras on a tv in the house. i guess she's called the cops so many times that they don't come any more.

now, i know you should be careful what you wish for, but i wish i had a neighbor like that. i could have so much fun with her. every time i walk by her house, i could have my pants off. i could set up a video camera on a tripod in the middle of the street, point it at her house, and sit in a lawn chair while i read a book or two. i could get a job as a professional dog walker and arrange it so i could have five or six dogs taking a crap on her lawn at once!

anyway, on that note, god bless america.

Who's Your Padre?

we just got back from san diego. the house and the animals are all doing well, thanks to the housesitting stylings of my little sister. thanks netsie. all is well, life goes on, and ian's blog still sucks.

we had a great time with the kantors. jacob is an awesome baby, and we like his parents OK too. had dinner in a pretty nice restaurant on the ocean friday night, went to la jolla for lunch on saturday, to the padres giants game saturday night, and swimming today. jesse and i played catch in front of the house, and i'm proud to report that i caught him in the jewels with a fastball. i've owed him that one for about 7 years.

i'm glad i got to go to a game at petco park. it's the only one of the "new" ballparks that i've been to -- other than SBC of course. it was very clean, and had some neat design features ... but i gotta say, it really falls short of the mark that SBC sets. first of all, there's no hot links, anywhere. we walked all the way around the park and couldn't find any. one strike. then, even though it's downtown, there's really no view of the city ... it's within it yet apart from it. two strikes. finally, there's just not that "take me out to the ballgame" feel. i don't know why, but there's no sense of wonder and history in the park. strike three.

bottom line, though, we had a great time down south. san diego really is the only redeeming part of southern california, smack dab between the stinking armpit of LA, and the leaking anus of tijuana.

one other quick note: we made it from oakland airport to healdsburg in one hour and five minutes. i'm a very good driver, but still ... that's great.