Look At My Ass

it makes me feel old when i look at kid's and adolescent fashion these days. i mean, all the skinny little white boys trying to look like 50 cent ... the girls with spare tires and happy trails who still insist on lowrider jeans with wide belts and short shirts ...

worst of all, though, is something that i once liked ... before i started thinking of myself as the father of a little girl. you know what i'm talking about: those cute little cotton shorts that have a message written across the butt. things like "ANGEL," "SEXY," "TOO HOT FOR YOU" and stuff like that. the idea is brilliant. you can't NOT look at something like that. you want to know what it says, but then you can't take your eyes off (if the can is nice, that is).

problem is, of course, that these things are now being worn by 7, 8, 9 year old girls. god damn. they ruined it. and look, i'm going to go out on a limb here: i've even caught myself staring at some cute little butts, only to realize that it's JUST A KID! god DAMN! that's sick! am i sick?? that's for another conversation. i only know two things:

1) a woman's butt in nice-fitting shorts is a beautiful thing.
2) hannah will own a pair of these shorts over my dead body.

maybe if one day she begs and begs me for a pair, i'll give in. with one catch. i'm making them myself, and they're going to say "Enjoy the last thing you'll ever see on earth, you sick fuck. quick, look behind you!"